Let's be honest...

Many of us say we’re open to questions, but how many of you are willing to admit to feeling defensive when faced with them?

There are two factors at play when it comes to how we react to questions, and any one or both can be present at a given time.

FACTOR ONE: When questions don’t come from a genuine place of curiosity, we can tell. We see the loaded, accusatory question and immediately feel the need to defend ourselves.

FACTOR TWO: Depending on how often we have faced those loaded questions (in both our personal and professional lives), we've likely developed a sometimes all too quick perception of any question (no matter how genuine) to be an invitation to defend our position.

So how do we overcome this?

First, consider your own level of genuine curiosity about people and situations. Does your mind become consumed by judgemental thoughts when listening to another's story? Or can you manage this very human tendency and replace it with an openness to learn more about what you don’t know? As comforting as it may sometimes be to think that we have experiences in common with others, we don’t. We may have circumstances in common, but our experiences within those circumstances are never the same. The more genuine curiosity we carry, the more likely we are to recognize it in others (thereby minimizing defensiveness).

Now, as you work on developing your curiosity to ask those genuinely curious questions, it’s time to manage your reaction to questions. You can’t control how people ask their questions, but you can leverage that developing curiosity, along with transparency and vulnerability and say: “I must admit, I’m feeling a need to defend myself in this moment. Can you say more about the intention behind your question?”

Genuine curiosity and open dialogue can bridge the gap between misunderstanding and connection, and it's essential for us to recognize the factors that influence our reactions to questions.

By nurturing our own curiosity while practicing transparency and vulnerability, we create an environment where questions are welcomed, and meaningful conversations are made possible.

Questions + Open-hearted answers = True Connection.